Metaphysical reflections (from a depressed state)

When I was young, maybe 10-11ish, I declared that there was no such thing as time, only memories, dreams and the moment. Despite this youthful insight (which I still elementally believe in) I find that I am not very good at living in the moment. I tend to neglect the past and dwell upon the future. I always felt that it was important that I did something great or became someone important. I felt (and still often feel) that the world and the universe was expecting something grand from me. Something I have no idea what is and that I feel I'm having trouble living up to.

I am so fascinated by nature, earth and the whole universe etc. because it is so confident and seems to have figured everything out. Even when it makes "mistakes", it corrects them so gracefully. In fact "mistake" seems an incorrect term, because nature does not make mistakes: something happens that leads to something new. The earth just is, there is no right or wrong, just creation and destruction in an eternal dance.

I really need to let go and see myself as big as the earth. But right now I feel like the boulder lying in the field, that can't appreciate the glacier that put it there and can't see its purpose or place in the cog wheels of creation. I compare myself with mountains, volcanoes and tidal waves, and feel insignificant and depressed. I need to become at peace with my potential insignificance and see myself more like the lifeless planet that floats around and around in its orbit, until one day it will be engulfed by the sun, who in its turn will implode and explode. And so the circle of life and the universe continues.